When multiple children need connection
What is good enough?
Hi Friends!
We’ve just come out of the holidays - a hectic time for everyone. Let’s take a moment to reflect and reconnect. Our goal at TAPS is to provide you with resources that empower positive relationships between you and your children while helping you build trusted community relationships you can count on. If any of you are like me, it’s easy to get down on yourself when you make mistakes or when things aren’t coming out “perfect”- One concept from Circle of Security that can be helpful is the idea that we’re not aiming for perfect parenting, instead we’re aiming for good enough and leaning in to the practice of repair whenever a relationship ruptures.
This month I want to share a reflection written up by one of our staff, May Mitchell, about some tips that help her focus on “good enough” while for caring for multiple children during hectic and challenging situations.
(Don’t forget to scroll to the bottom for upcoming programs, resources, and ways you can support TAPS work in the community)
“Good Enough” caretaking for multiple children
Some of you may have had the opportunity to participate in Circle of Security Parenting, an 8-week, research-based program offered by TAPS that focuses on strengthening the caregiving relationship between parents and children. I’ve taken the program myself as a parent and now help coordinate it. If you haven’t participated, some of the language may sound new, but the ideas are ones most caregivers can relate to, especially during busy, chaotic seasons.
Just like parents, all children are different. Most thrive with structure, but during the holidays, routines often shift. Schools close, families travel or host gatherings, and naps and bedtimes can get disrupted. As adults, we can feel overwhelmed and overstimulated, and our children often feel the same way. Our job as caregivers is to prioritize connection over perfection. There’s no such thing as perfect parenting; we’re all aiming for “good enough.”
In Circle of Security, we talk about each child being on a “circle” of connection with their caregiver. At any given moment, they may be moving out to explore or coming in for comfort. Children are always on their circle, it’s the adults who sometimes step off, which can create ruptures in the relationship. For parents of multiple children, this can feel especially tricky because each child has their own circle, and their needs often show up at different times (or even at the same time!).
As a parent of two kids, ages 8 and 11, I’m constantly tracking two circles. Parenting two kids I notice they both need help organizing big feelings or need me to delight in them and welcome them back in. Sometimes they’re on completely different parts of the circle at the same time, and it’s hard to be “the hands” for both. Add in my own stress (what Circle of Security calls “shark music”), and it can feel overwhelming.
Here’s what helps me:
Map each child’s circle. When things feel chaotic, I start by asking, “Are they okay or not okay?” If they’re not okay, that’s my cue to take charge and help organize their feelings.
Check my own state. If I’m hearing my shark music, I pause and calm myself before stepping in.
Focus on connection. Holidays aren’t about perfection, they’re about staying connected, even when routines fall apart.
Parents and teachers, managing multiple circles is challenging, but understanding that each child has their own circle can be a powerful guide. When we can see where they are and respond with “good enough” care, we help them feel safe and secure, even in the busiest seasons.
If you haven’t taken the circle of security and you’re interested in learning more, you can view a short video here that gives a quick overview. We are also in the process of enrolling both in person and virtual groups for January.
You can register Wake Circle of Security and Durham Circle of Security interest form
January TAPS Events and Programs
January Drop in Events:
Every Wednesday at 1pm - Breastfeeding Support Group
Fill out the interest form to get reminders and drop in as often as you like! This group is for anyone with an infant who wants support - you do not have to be breastfeeding. Lactation Counselors can support specific feeding issues like latch, pumping problems, weaning, starting solid foods, and so much more. And we have fun gifts for you! www.tapsnc.org/breastfeeding
Friday January 23rd - Infant Sleep 101 with Meghan Hast
Join this quarter’s education & chat with Certified Sleep coach Meghan Hast of Feliz Family Sleep! Meghan loves helping families get better sleep while prioritizing parent and infant mental health and connection. If you haven’t been before, this is your chance! www.tapsnc.org/calendar
Friday January 30th - Car Seat Safety Workshop Education
Join the webinar to learn about car seat safety and then book a time slot to have our CPST teach you how to install your car seat properly every time! Q&A at the end of the Webinar can also help you make important safety decisions about how your child rides in the car. We can’t wait to see you! www.tapsnc.org/calendar
Friday January 30th - PEPS Facilitator Training (Online)
Help parents of newborns forge meaningful connections with other parents of newborns by facilitating the PEPS program! Complete the modular learning activities (~2 hours) and then attend this 2 hour facilitation practice. We provide the facilitator manual and mentorship as you lead - you provide the empathy and a few baby snuggles along the way. Sign up here - https://wkf.ms/3XwyIoU
Now Enrolling for January and February Start Dates:
PEPS - Anticipated Start date of Mid-February - this 12 week support program is the perfect way to build a community of trusted families you can rely on. Conversations cover all the essential newborn questions and so much more!
Circle of Security Parenting - With two groups launching next week, there is space for everyone to learn about how to be more connected and less stressed. This 8 week course is evidence based to support for anyone providing care to children under age 6 - moms, dads, nannies, childcare center teachers, grandparents, aunties and uncles, foster parents - everyone benefits when we share language and a framework for talking about our young childrens’ secure attachment and mental health.
New certifications, endorsements, and renewals!
Congratulations to TAPS staff and program facilitators completing professional development courses bringing new expertise, skills, and program options to the community. Last quarter
Geraldine completed the Triple P Baby facilitator certification process and recertified as a Child Passenger Safety Technician!
May received her Infant Mental Health and Reflective Supervisor Endorsement from NCIMHA!
Jacquie completed her recertifications for both Lamaze birth education and her CLC.
Esther completed and received her Certified Breastfeeding Specialist credentials!
Natalia completed her Circle of Security Parenting facilitator training and co-led her first group with Geraldine!
Get Involved
Spring gets busy around here with lots of opportunities to get connected through volunteering! To get involved, please email us by hitting reply to this newsletter! We are scheduling multiple opportunities to prep for Spring events and programs!
Here are a couple of ways you will be able to get involved:
Become a PEPS group facilitator! Using active listening and your amazing empathy, help new parents build friendships and connect with each other
Collect donations for our Spring Community Baby Shower and Health Fair
Organize a group of friends to help sort and package baby clothing for the Spring Community Baby Shower
Sign up to help assemble Program Materials for Winter and Spring MaS and PEPS groups.
Sign up to help at the Spring Community Baby Shower (date TBD)
With Care,
The TAPS Team